Brain Farts Brain Fart brain farts brain fart brain-fart brain-farts brainfart brainfarts LEO Louisville Eccentric Observer parody lampoon satire Louisville Kentucky Kevin Gibson kgramone@aol.com  kgramone humor

Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer (LEO) from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.

Unless you're as bored as I am.

Brain Farts: Hollywood Boy
	By Kevin Gibson April 3, 2002

Hi all, it's Hollywood Boy, here again with all the scoop, the what's what and the who's who on all your favorite Hollywood stars.

What's this we hear about Denzel Washington getting the big brush-off from Russell Crowe recently? Apparently Denzel saw Russell in a men's room and walked over to say hello. In a not-so-kind way, Russell told him to keep his "hand" to himself!

Julia Roberts' latest gaffe came Oscars night when she mistakenly referred to bandleader Bill Conti -- whom she called "stickman" last year because he tried to cut short her acceptance speech -- as Tom Conti, mentioning how glad she was that he wasn't present. When someone corrected her backstage, naturally, everyone's favorite "Pretty Woman" cursed, smacked Billy Crystal in the back of the head and stormed out. A little bird tells us they saw her a couple hours later yelling at a waitress at a nearby Denny's restaurant about an undercooked Moons Over My-Hammy. It's OK, though, because, after all, she IS Julia Roberts. She's allowed to be a rude, disrespectful brat and we'll all still love her and kiss her misshapen butt.

Madonna's spokeswoman is denying a report that the Material Girl got into a catfight with ever-effeminate George "Wham!" Michael. According to the my source, Georgie -- who was recording at the same studio as Madonna -- scolded Madonna for screaming at her personal assistant after the assistant brought her the wrong kind of coffee. After the fight, George's flack confirmed that Madonna hits like a girl -- which made it a pretty fair fight. The moral to the story: It's SOOOO hard to get good help these days.

Some Mariah Carey fans recently traveled all the way from Spain to New York just to see the pop idol. After Mariah justifiably refused to let the overeager fans stay in her guestroom, she did agree to a meet-and-greet. One of the fans even had Mariah tattoos on his body, which he proudly displayed. Mariah then showed the fan her "Get a life, you pathetic loser" tattoo and abruptly went back to work.

This just in: Rosie O'Donnell is still a fat, narcissistic, brown-nosing cow.

And there's more bad news about Justin and Britney -- the cover of the April 1 issue of US Weekly magazine trumpets: "Britney & Justin: It's Over" -- yet Britney STILL hasn't confirmed it publicly. We also heard there's something going on over there in the Middle East. Can't remember exactly what, though, but it probably has to do with politics or religion or something. BOOOOO-RING!

Well, that's it for this week, kids. Next week I'll have the scoop on why Amy Fisher couldn't fight Tonya Harding on "Celebrity Boxing." Was it her parole officer or is she actually having a sex-change operation so she can fight Danny Bonaduce instead? Check back with Hollywood Boy next week to get all the dirt!

E-mail the writer at kgramone@aol.com with all your Hollywood gossip tips!