bush approval rating Brain Farts Brain Fart brain farts brain fart brain-fart brain-farts brainfart brainfarts LEO Louisville Eccentric Observer parody lampoon satire Louisville Kentucky Kevin Gibson kgramone@aol.com kgramone humor cat's ass fart anna kournikova zeitgeist bush approval rating
Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.
Unless you're as bored as I am.
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Brain Farts: Note to Self |
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By Kevin Gibson |
Dear self,
This is just a reminder that you have to turn in your column by Thursday. Otherwise, the LEO editing gods will become agitated, possibly even irregular. Also, don't forget to prank call the White House. Hard to believe it's already Wednesday again. Sheesh.
Also, this is grocery week, so don't forget these items: Cheese, frankincense, Viagra, sweet breads, Potted Meat Food Product, friction tape, several live farm animals (the guys are coming over!), Blair's After Death hot sauce, cheese, nicotine gum (still not quite addicted), chips, salsa, flea and tick spray, 10 cases of beer (hide it when the guys come over!).
And did you remember to scream at the couch?
You need to remember to ask Mom to give you back your copy of the Satanic Bible. She borrowed it more than six months ago and still hasn't returned it. What could she be doing with it? And it's been days since you followed home that blonde. Better get with it or she's going to think you aren't stalking her anymore. The days are so busy lately.
Get phone number changed again. Credit card companies know your voice now from calling you so much. Russian accent no longer works on them. And The Courier-Journal has been calling every night since you told them you like The Voice better.
Remember to be careful when you go home. Those Jehovah's Witnesses have been trying really hard lately. Who knew they wouldn't go away when you told them you worship sweat socks? (Heck, I just wanted them to stop leaving The Watchtower on my porch. Now they're treating this conversion thing like a mission.)
Do the laundry. Wearing same underwear three times between washings is beginning to push the limit. Tired of that creaking sound. Don't forget to make Gary Condit voodoo doll.
Write to Jeffrey Dahmer's parents again. Those people just won't give up this "Jeffrey's dead, please leave us alone" façade. We all know he's living in his dad's basement, working as a taxidermist. Never give up.
Let's see? What else, what else? Oh, untie the midget. He's starting to smell funny. Best to just let him go. He promised he wouldn't tell, so it should be cool.
That should be it, self. Don't forget to take this letter with you today. And don't forget to publicly ridicule those people who shunned and humiliated you in high school. That's a reminder for next week's column.
Contact the writer at kgramone@aol.com. Unless you forget.