bush approval rating Brain Farts Brain Fart brain farts brain fart brain-fart brain-farts brainfart brainfarts LEO Louisville Eccentric Observer parody lampoon satire Louisville Kentucky Kevin Gibson kgramone@aol.com kgramone humor cat's ass fart anna kournikova zeitgeist bush approval rating
Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.
Unless you're as bored as I am.
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Brain Farts: MIA |
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By Kevin Gibson |
Had a
friend a long time ago who was the meanest kid you ever met. Liked picking
fights with me, mostly because he knew he would usually win.
Once, he got me in big trouble when my mom sent me to the store to get some cake
mix. Not only did he talk me into getting icing instead of mix, he also took my
mom's change and spent it in the vending machines just inside the store. Spider
rings and "stamps from around the world."
It has haunted me my entire life that when the cashier said, "Who gets the
change?", I hesitated. It was only for a moment, but it was long enough for that
kid to create a situation I would point to my entire life. That was my first
brain fart. I blame much of my severe neurosis on that one day and that one kid.
Gosh, I miss him.
I had a friend a couple years later who taught me how to steal. He had some
issues. His mom treated him like dirt (the bitch). The guy ended up in jail --
numerous times. Stiffed me for gas money more than once. Later, I figured out he
was stealing cash from my parents when he would come over to my house to play
video games or watch TV.
Turns out that I was pretty much the only guy in school who stuck up for him,
who saw the good in him, wherever it might have been hiding. I didn't understand
then that we are often judged by the company we keep. Didn't much care, really.
Still don't, even though it can still complicate my life at times.
I really miss that guy.
I had another friend, the guy who helped me break out of my shell and bring down
the walls of self doubt. He taught me to sneak out of the house in the middle of
the night and roam the streets -- at age 11. He also taught me you can take
nothing and turn it into something. No one but that guy could turn a bunch of
giveaway keychains into cash.
And no one else's dad was dumb enough to leave his porno mags stacked in the
garage. I learned about sex because of that kid's careless dad. Now THERE'S a
positive first impression.
That kid also gave me one of my first moments in which I felt no apprehensions
at all. Sure, it was just a pudding fight, but I let go of every inhibition
during that fight. And, yes, my mother wanted to kill me after the fight was
over (the fear of prison has saved many children's lives), but I wouldn't trade
that five-minute chocolate orgy for anything in the entire world.
I miss that guy. A lot.
You remember what your parents told you about avoiding bad influences? It's all
crap. Influences are what you make of them.
Contact the writer at kgramone@aol.com.
And read about the Playboy Playmates, don't just ogle. They're people, too, you
know.