bush approval rating Brain Farts Brain Fart brain farts brain fart brain-fart brain-farts brainfart brainfarts LEO Louisville Eccentric Observer parody lampoon satire Louisville Kentucky Kevin Gibson kgramone@aol.com kgramone humor cat's ass fart anna kournikova zeitgeist bush approval rating
Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.
Unless you're as bored as I am.
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Brain Farts: Marketing Genius Gone
Horribly Awry |
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By Kevin Gibson |
I have a friend who thinks "25/8/53" is the marketing catchword of the future. He also told me the other day over lunch that "the downfall of modern society is based on corn."
It's true. He read a book called "Story of Corn," which said corn is an easy substance to convert into calories for the purpose of spiking caloric content in food without raising nutritional value. This gets used in almost all food because kids need lots of calories to get them through their formative years. Here's the rub: As we grow up, our diets don't change and we end up unhealthy slobs. Like me.
"Essentially," my friend said, "you could eat anything you wanted to in the wild -- vegetables, fruits, meat, even whale blubber -- and never get fat." But if there's corn starch in it, you're screwed.
He then went into some speech about third-world countries and overpopulation, but I couldn't stop thinking about the corn conspiracy and wondering what kind of nihilistic ass-wart that author must in fact be.
I didn't read the book, because I decided to read "Boy Wonder: My Life in Tights" instead. It's by Burt Ward, the actor who played Robin in the 1960s TV series "Batman." Now there's an interesting read. Chicks used to dress up in Robin's costume and try to molest him. When I tried to tell my friend about it, however, he just stared at me.
I've decided that starting arguments is going to be my new hobby. I'm going to walk up to people in restaurants, in bars, at rodeos (but not in churches because I never go to church) and just blurt out things, hoping they will argue with me.
Here's one: Shakespeare spent way too much time on character development. God, what a blowhard. I might save that one for the next English department faculty mixer I attend. (Like that will ever happen.)
Someone's probably already thought of that anyway. My roommate says that everything he and I say to make people laugh was lifted straight from a movie or a Warner Bros. cartoon. "Have we ever had an original thought in our heads?" he asked me once. Probably not, but it wasn't my idea to be unoriginal.
So one day my girlfriend asked, "Do you ever have déjà vu?" And I said, "Didn't you just ask me that?" (Quick: Which film did I lift that one from?)
Speaking of original thoughts, have you figured out 25/8/53 yet? Yeah, that's what I thought.
E-mail the writer at kgramone@aol.com. But never address him by his first name: Ronald.