Brain Farts Brain Fart brain farts brain fart brain-fart brain-farts brainfart brainfarts LEO Louisville Eccentric Observer parody lampoon satire Louisville Kentucky Kevin Gibson kgramone@aol.com kgramone humor
Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer (LEO) from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.
Unless you're as bored as I am.
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Brain Farts: Pterodactyl Out, Ringo In |
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By Kevin Gibson |
Quite often, people come up to me and say, "Oh exalted ruler, what color is your spleen?"
No, wait, that's something I dreamed the other night. What they really say is, "Hey, why are you so into the Beatles?"
The reason is this: My life is so meaningless and pathetic that I have to have someone I perceive as meaningful and divine to worship, so that through them I can glean some vicarious illusion of self-importance.
Seriously. Why do you think organized religion is so popular? Or Britney Spears? Or professional wrestling? Or cheese?
What it boils down to is that through worshiping John, Paul, George and Ringo (and to lesser extents Pete and Stuart), I meet and sometimes befriend like-minded people. And when a fellow fanatic finds out you're one of "them," they usually welcome you and have a newfound respect for you. (And bear in mind that I'm talking about the folks who actually know what song is on the flip side of the "Let It Be" single, not the ones who think [italics]Sgt. Pepper's[end ital] is a Bee Gees album.)
It's an interesting phenomenon, because I think it speaks not only to people's tastes but to their social comfort or discomfort, not to mention their overall awareness. Popular music is a good example of this, because most people believe that whatever is on the radio is actually the best music available (because that's what everyone [italics]else[end ital] is listening to).
Which brings me back to organized religion. How many people in church on Sunday just want to belong to something? Perhaps since going to church is usually related to going to heaven, it just seems like the smartest allegiance to forge.
Sure, there are millions upon millions of true believers, but isn't it possible that the whole afterlife thing is just something concocted to make us all feel more important? Seriously, we've got this whole big freakin' universe, and we're supposed to believe we are the center of it? Humans? I mean, Rosie O'Donnell may THINK she's the center of the universe, but what are the chances of that actually being true?
And what makes we humans think we're more important than, say, dinosaurs? If the dinosaurs had come up with the idea that there was an all-powerful being who created the heavens and the earth, would they have been spared? Just think: Jesus Christ could have been a stegosaurus.
I'm not bashing religion, just trying to put it into perspective. Are the multitudes who attend church each Sunday so different from those who regularly tune in to "Thursday Night Smackdown"?
And isn't it true that the dinosaur was just evolution's Pete Best? Oops, there I go again, referencing the Beatles. That's OK. I know Beatles fan out there, somewhere, just gained a whole new respect for me.
E-mail the writer at kgramone@aol.com. But don't expect a quick reply, because he's probably studying Beatles Anthology.