Brain Farts Brain Fart brain farts brain fart brain-fart brain-farts brainfart brainfarts LEO Louisville Eccentric Observer parody lampoon satire Louisville Kentucky Kevin Gibson kgramone@aol.com kgramone humor
Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer (LEO) from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.
Unless you're as bored as I am.
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Brain Farts: Ancient is as Ancient Does |
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By Kevin Gibson |
Are you
old? I am. Not old as in social security old, though -- more like,
teen-age-girls-working-the-counter-at-McDonald's-call-me-"sir" old.
There are certain statements we can all make that date us, and having turned 35
not long ago, I have thought very carefully about mine. Some hear these
statements and say, "Whoa, this guy is old." Others hear them and say, "Yeah,
right. I go back way farther than that." (Those people are what we term "really
old.")
That said, here's how old I really am:
When I was born, "Batman" was the new TV hit. When I was born, the first Super
Bowl was still almost a year away and the Ford Mustang was in its infancy.
Charles Manson had recently been turned down for "The Monkees." (I'm kidding;
that's just an urban legend. He actually befriended the Beach Boys, and they
revised and recorded one of his songs. That's true. Look it up.)
I was alive when the Beatles were still together, and I was on this earth for
the release of Revolver, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and other
classics. I was also alive when John met Yoko -- I just wasn't old enough to
stop it.
I am so old that I still have a record collection. I also remember having only
four television stations, and I watched "Presto the Clown" after school. I saw
Sha Na Na in concert. I owned more than one leisure suit, but I do not accept
the blame. It was all my mother's idea.
I remember watching "Laugh-In" on television. I remember when my parents were
the age I am now. I remember seeing Nixon on TV the day he resigned. I didn't
know what the hell was going on, but I remember it.
I remember riding in my mother's Corvair. I outgrew Underoos before they were
ever invented. I remember being abducted by aliens at age 7 and being suspended
in a tank of clear goo while they took out each of my vital organs and examined
them. (No wait, I dreamed that. Never mind.)
When I learned to use a computer, DOS was still a technological breakthrough. I
saw both "Grease" and "Star Wars" in theaters within a couple weeks of their
release. And I was old enough that my parents didn't have to take me.
I can remember when Elvis was alive. When I was born, he wasn't even fat yet.
And he hadn't yet recorded "In the Ghetto." (Again, I was much too young to stop
it.) When I was born, the Vietnam Conflict was erupting, Opie was still young
enough to be cute, Martin Luther King Jr. was still alive and The
Courier-Journal was still a good newspaper.
Oops. Now I've said too much.
Contact the writer at kgramone@aol.com. But not after 10 p.m. He needs his
sleep.