Brain Farts Brain Fart brain farts brain fart brain-fart brain-farts brainfart brainfarts LEO Louisville Eccentric Observer parody lampoon satire Louisville Kentucky Kevin Gibson kgramone@aol.com kgramone humor
Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer (LEO) from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.
Unless you're as bored as I am.
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Brain Farts: Forward is Backward |
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By Kevin Gibson |
E-mails I’ve received
within the last week:
To: kgramone@hotmail.com
From: nolife@aol.com
Subject: FW: Virus alert!
There is a new virus going around that will DESTROY your HARD DRIVE. So whatever
you do, DON’T OPEN any e-mail titled HI THERE with an attachment called I’M YOUR
DREAM CHICK. This is NOT a HOAX. It IS real. If you a RECEIVE this VIRUS, delete
IT immediately. Your entire C-DRIVE could BE ruined. Please forward this TO
everyone you KNOW!
•••
To: kgramone@yahoo.com
From: bleedingheart@bullpuckey.com
Subject: True story
Hello, I received this sad story today. Please forward it to all your friends so
we can all pray for this child. This works!!!
“I am a third-grader named Todd who is stricken with a serious viral infection.
My doctors say that without a rhomboid transplant I may not see fourth grade. I
also have Tourette’s syndrome, really bad allergies and the gout. Wal-Mart says
for every e-mail it receives from supporters at helptodd@walmartcrap.com, it
will give me approximately 47 cents. Please help. This really works. God bless
you. Son of a $%&*@! Oops, sorry.”
•••
To: kgramone@aol.com
From: hoochiemama@ooh.baby.com
Subject: Your fantasy girl
Dear KG RAMONE: I can make all your fantasies come true! I am a 5-foot-10-inch,
108-pound beautiful blonde with enormous breasts and a big heart-shaped caboose,
and I’m waiting for YOU. All you have to do is visit me at www.hoochiemama.com,
or call me at 976-MAMA, and I will fulfill YOUR fantasies! The first eight
seconds is FREE (assuming you last that long)!!! Don’t delay. I am moist with
suspense, and so are my eight twin Scandinavian sisters. Did I mention we’re
HORNY for you?
•••
To: kgramone@hotmail.com
From: nolife@aol.com
Subject: VIRUS ALERT!!
Yet ANOTHER VIRUS has been circulated. This virus is called TRUST NO ONE and
attacks your hard drive through an attachment called VIRUS FROM HELL: DO NOT
OPEN. Please DO NOT OPEN THIS! I know you are a complete moron who always opens
unidentified attachments from total strangers, but THIS ONE you should AVOID.
This virus NOT only destroys your hard drive, but IT can also make your pets
violently ILL. Also, it has BEEN known to cause cancer of the right index FINGER
and can make all THE MILK IN your refrigerator SPOIL. PLEASE DO not open
this!!!!!!
•••
To: kgramone@yahoo.com
From:
sentimentalpoop@regurgitation.com
Subject: Your smile for the day
This is a special message: It is your smile for the day from someone who cares
about you.
Puppies. Kittens. Love. Goodness. Wholesome. Love. Sugar. Honey. Love. Happy.
Love.
Please pass this heartwarming and inspirational e-mail on to all your friends.
If you forward it to at least 10 friends, you will have good luck for the next
10 years. If you don’t, then may Satan claim your dark, twisted soul and make
you suffer for the rest of eternity. Forward it or I will find you. Pathetic
twit.
•••
To: kgramone@aol.com
From: leoreader@notimpressed.com
Subject: (No Subject)
Your column sucks.
E-mail the writer at kgramone@aol.com. Say whatever you want — just don’t
forward him any crap.