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Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer (LEO) from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.

Unless you're as bored as I am.

Brain Farts: Time Should Be On Our Sides
	By Kevin Gibson May 29, 2002

Time is money. Capitalists say that sometimes.

When you think about it, we all have a finite amount of time to live. We go to school to become educated so that we can be qualified to work (usually for a capitalist). I have a friend who theorizes that, even though we only have a finite amount of time, we sell that time to our employers so they can make money. Once we sell that time, we can't ever get it back.

So if you think about it, if you make $15 an hour, you're selling eight hours of your time every day for roughly $120. Roughly $40 of that is going to be taken by the government, so that's lost - nearly three hours gone.

What I would like to see is an automated teller machine that works in reverse. Think about it: When you go to work and have an absolutely awful day - your boss is yelling at you, your computer goes blue screen and destroys the PowerPoint you worked on all morning, your armpits attract gnats - your time is actually worth MORE than $15 an hour. Would you really make that deal if you knew ahead of time what kind of stress you were in for? Heck, no.

So I think there should be an ATM you can put money into and get back some of your time. Say if you go to the ATTM (automated time transfer machine) and put in $120 - boom, you get to start again at 9 a.m. You can sell that time back again for the original rate knowing it won't be nearly as bad as the original eight hours were. (Yes, I know I didn't account for taxes in the buy-back, but the government is always going to get its cut. We just have to deal with that.)

And wouldn't it be great if we could get rebates on our time? If you spend your life doing good deeds, you don't typically get any money for that. It's time you're giving away. When we die, I think we should be able to go to an arbitrator who will give us time credit based on good deeds. Even an exchange rate of 10 minutes on the hour would get some people ample life extensions. Heck, Mother Teresa could have lived another 40 years.

And if someone has exceptional character, they could get minutes back for that, at maybe seven minutes on the hour. Or even someone who is good at making other people laugh could get a rebate for that time - maybe five minutes per hour of laughter induced.

I think I've hit on something here. If I can just find a way to turn back time and resurrect the deceased, I'll be in business. Of course, knowing my luck, if I ever got the ATTM to actually work, I would probably forget my PIN.

Contact the writer at kgramone@aol.com. This Brain Fart is dedicated to the late Harold "Pop" Gibson - a good man who could have gotten a pretty good rebate on his sense of humor alone.