Brain Farts Brain Fart brain farts brain fart brain-fart brain-farts brainfart brainfarts LEO Louisville Eccentric Observer parody lampoon satire Louisville Kentucky Kevin Gibson kgramone@aol.com kgramone humor
Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer (LEO) from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.
Unless you're as bored as I am.
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Brain Farts: Getting My Goat |
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By Kevin Gibson |
I was
flipping through my November copy of Goat Rancher magazine the other day
and read that some experts now believe the Dorper sheep may have as big an
impact on the meat sheep business as the South African Boer Goat had back in the
mid-1990s.
Apparently, by raising even quarter-blood Dorper crosses, a goat herder's
average weaning size can be dramatically increased. In fact, the author of the
article, Fred Homeyer, said the young half-blood Dorper rams he bought for
breeding "look like football linebackers."
In truth, these Dorper sheep are hardy animals, which makes them ideal for
raising in almost all climates. While unofficial experiments Homeyer conducted
have the Dorpers selling for about 10 cents a pound less than regular meat sheep
at market, the potential is certainly promising.
Another promising sign is that Dorper sheep are, well, really horny, meaning
they'll have good reproduction rates.
"After the quarantine period was over, I turned the Dorper lambs out with the
Barbados ewes," Homeyer said. "Boy! Those little Dorpers went right to work. I'm
not sure what all the ewes thought when I turned these teen-agers loose, as they
immediately began checking out all the females in the herd. There was much
sniffing and chasing around, but by the following morning everything had settled
down to a calmer situation."
Sounds almost like Homeyer was describing a bunch of frat boys turned loose at a
sorority pajama party!
But it really was a good issue, and even had a free 2002 ethnic calendar and an
article titled, "Bioterror on the ranch." This is interesting in that it further
proves how far the after-effects of the recent terrorist attacks have spread.
An article in The Wall Street Journal noted that Goat Rancher
editor Terry Hankins, a former newspaper reporter and editor, runs the magazine
out of a double-wide trailer in the middle of a goat herd. Now, Hankins is
keenly monitoring incidents of hate against immigrants from Muslim and Middle
Eastern countries, who are the largest consumers of goats in the United States.
"If our Middle Eastern customers stop spending money or stop going to ethnic
restaurants, that will mean lower demand for goat meat," he says, making a point
of particular interest to ALL of us who closely follow goat herding trends.
Fortunately, my copy of American Sportswear and Knitting Times this month
expresses no such angst or worry; apparently all is well in the world of
knitting. The issue focuses on the Yarn Fair International conference and also
includes the fascinating article, "Seamless garment machine is highlight of
Hosiery Exposition." And the cover story in Gas Utility Manager Magazine
this month is Schleck and Doherty's in-depth report, "Teamwork pays when laying
pipeline." I haven't read that one yet, so be patient. But if I can just get
through the latest issue of Inflamed Prostate Journal, I'm going to get
right on it.
Contact the writer at kgramone@aol.com. Or
read his other column in Shredded Cheese Illustrated.