Brain Farts Brain Fart brain farts brain fart brain-fart brain-farts brainfart brainfarts LEO Louisville Eccentric Observer parody lampoon satire Louisville Kentucky Kevin Gibson kgramone@aol.com kgramone humor
Brain Farts was a weekly humor column that ran in the Louisville Eccentric Observer (LEO) from mid-2000 until the summer of 2002. It was, well, eccentric. And occasionally satirical. And sardonic. Some liked it, some hated it; some just didn't get it, and that's OK. There were times when I didn't get it either. I've compiled here some of the archives from Brain Farts for the enjoyment of friends, family and anyone else who happens by. I also have written some new Brain Farts, and added some links and other trivialities that you shouldn't be too concerned with.
Unless you're as bored as I am.
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Brain Farts: America Strikes Back |
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By Kevin Gibson |
I continue
to be amazed at the feeling of patriotism and unity that has wrapped itself
around America since Sept. 11. It truly is inspiring.
Meanwhile, I continue to be annoyed at the World Trade Center-related spam that
fills my inbox on a daily basis. First there was the photo of the poor schmuck
standing atop the World Trade Center with an airplane bearing down on him in the
background (see photo on page 41). The e-mail notified us that, while the camera
was recovered amongst the rubble, the photographer had not yet been found.
The only thing more annoying than the fact that someone is callous enough to do
something so juvenile and unfeeling is that many people actually believed this
ridiculous story. (However, the “More shocking photos of the guy atop the World
Trade Center” follow-up is pretty amusing — especially the one with the
Hindenburg crashing behind him.)
Then last week many of us were told that on Thursday, Oct. 11, the 30-day
anniversary of the terrible acts of destruction, we should drive around all day
with our headlights on. Now, from my experience, there is but one tangible
result from these “headlights on” campaigns — lots of people come out at 5 p.m.
to find their car battery dead because they forgot to turn off their lights when
they got to work.
Otherwise, what does it really accomplish? According to the e-mail I received
(which I traced to someone named Denise in northern Alabama), “The purpose of
driving with headlights on this day will: 1) Show our respect, friendship and
tribute to all of those individuals who lost their lives on that Sept. 11, 2001
day; 2) Show our concern for the family members of those individuals; 3) Show
those uncouth terrorists that the fabric of the USA is stronger than steel; 4)
Show that we Americans have solidarity standing shoulder to shoulder against any
terrorists’ acts upon the USA.”
Uncouth?
Truly, I can’t help but imagine that Taliban leaders would get quite a chuckle
from knowing that we “infidels” were driving around town with our lights on all
day.
“Ooooh, now we’re in trouble,” might be Mullah Mohammed Omar’s response to such
tactics. “Next, the putrid American scum might turn up their radios too loud.”
Imagine the counter-strategy meetings going on in Al-Qaida’s secret underground
bunkers: “So, these American swine want to drive around with lights on in
DAYLIGHT? That’s it, then. Jihad is upon us. From now on, when speaking
publicly, we refer to George W. Bush as ‘Mr. Doo-doo Head.’”
I don’t mean to sound cynical. I’m sure many folks do get a feeling of
solidarity from forwarding these e-mails, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Besides, who am I to complain? Without such brain farts, there would be no Brain
Farts.
Contact the writer at kgramone@aol.com. Confidentially, he’s real, real couth.